Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
