Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
