they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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