Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
