he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
