Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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