you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
