So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
