"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
did i just pee glitter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
