Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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