I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
