Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
