1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
