I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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