Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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