its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
