i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
