I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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