Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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