it wasn't lemon gatorade
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
