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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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