I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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