Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
