it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize