i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was like eating out sand paper
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
