Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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