Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
