"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had sex on a roof
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
