first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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