Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
