You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
