Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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