Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
