She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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