I smell stomach acid.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So vagazzling was a success
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
