weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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