omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
