You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
