As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
