i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
