What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
