Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
