Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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