I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
