Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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