I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
