My pussy is not your playground.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
