so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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