I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
