Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
