How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
