I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
