he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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