I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
