508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
