I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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