you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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