i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
