There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
