I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
