It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
