Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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