How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
