On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
