hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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